Friday, October 15, 2010

RIP, Papa ...


Papa, it's been almost 3 weeks since you've left us. How come it still seems so unreal? The image of you is still lingering around the house, but you are not here anymore. You drifted away so slowly and quietly, without leaving any words to us. I feel this heavy clock in my heart that I am struggling to turn back its time. I am not asking for too much, please just give me back a few more years, a few more months, even a few more weeks - to show my gratitude to you .....

I still remember that last night, it was uneasily quiet and chilly, as if the whole world had left our family alone. While mama had fallen asleep in despair on the temporary cot next to you; we sisters each retreated to our own little corners, had way past exhaustion by then, could only stared at you helplessly in tears and 'spoke' to you in our own special ways. I glanced around the dim, cold hospital room while attempting to cover as much body area as possible under my sweater to keep warm. H was sitting upright like a court lady diligently reading the scriptures and J was leaning on the cabinet humming a hymn softly like a choir girl. This scene reminded me so much of the 'Little Women' and had left an imprint forever in my mind.

I curiously picked up the red-covered book (I just learned from mom) that you had devoted your heart and soul in researching, organizing and writing; and to my shame, I never even knew about! I was so amazed at your spectrum of knowledge and the depth of philosophical thoughts, how blind I was not to see and support you before. And all these years, I was so immersed into my own life and just took your caring for granted. Seeing the large turnout of your friends and students at your funeral who showed so much respect for you, instead of feeling proud to be your daughter, I totally broke down and only felt I did not deserve your love. Please forgive me, papa. I love you and miss you very much. May you rest in peace in God's Arms, and till we meet again .......

32 comments:

chakachan said...

Ms. Jaime..
My condolences to you and your family on your Dad's death. Stay strong for him...he's in good hands and i'm sure, he'll be watching over you. Take Care.

myoce said...

Dearest Jaime,

My deepest condolences to you and family.
Praying you will be strong for yourself and for loved ones around you also.

myoce

ces said...

Hi sis,

My condolences to you and your family. You will definitely miss him but stay strong.

May you feel God's love and comfort more than ever and may He be with you and your family in this time of grief.

God bless you.

jaime said...

Dear chakachan, myoce and ces,

Thank you very much for your comforting words. Your kindness and consideration is deeply appreciated.

Please take care!
love .... jaime

Anonymous said...

Dear Jaime

My deepest condolences to you and your family in your time of grief.

May our good Lord bless all of you and keep you in His loving care, and grant your father eternal rest in His heavenly kingdom.

alcy

Tamar1973 said...

Dear Jaime,

My condolences go out to you and your family.

Tamar

Anonymous said...

Dearest Jaime:
Greetings on the first coldest days of Fall; temperature is dipping into forties, paving the way to a cold Winter Sonata.
You are a very good daughter. It shows in your writing. Dad must have been happy and proud of you.
We are with you in this five step journey of shock, disbelief, bargaining, anger and finally, acceptance.
May God Almighty bless you, your Mom, sisters and your family.
Sincerely,
Josephine

cecy, México said...

dear Jaime
entristese me by what you are going ....., only God knows why things happen ....,
God Bless you and fill you with prompt resignation .....
cuidate much, and lean on your loved ones together be filled with strength ...
receives a big hug
with all my love,
Cecy.

Anonymous said...

Hi Chinggu!

Again my deepest condolences to you and your family. Missing your papa will be painful at first but as days pass by, it will get better.

I know that your father is with our Lord above and may he be at peace within His kingdom and shower with you, your siblings, mom and family with blessings, peace and unity.

We are always here when you need a shoulder to cry on and we support you all the way.

Take care and love you that much!

Judy

annacronism said...

Dear sister Jaime,
My prayers and love are with you and your family at this saddest of times for all of you. I know the pain of losing a parent. My mother passed away in 1985 and my father in 1989. I am here for you, my dear, as I'm sure all of our Family are there for you,too. Take care.
Love,
Anna

vegas said...

My Dearest Jaime,

My sincerest condolences to you and your family on the passing of your father. I know all too well the sadness and emptiness you are experiencing. Please know that your father is watching over all of you - no matter where you are or what you do.

Please take good care of yourself and your family. Celebrate your Father!

Love and Aloha,
vegas

jaime said...

Dear alcy, tamar, cecy,

It's so nice to hear from my Bae sisters again. I miss you ladies a lot. Thank you very much for your kindness.

love ... jaime

jaime said...

Dear Josephine,

Thank you for always giving me strength. Does 'bargaining' mean with God? I think I am pleading out of desperation, realizing that this is impossible. The next 'Anger' stage would probably be directed towards myself than anyone else. I am told only time will heal this pain, I'm not sure yet. I can only focus on the positive by following my father's foosteps to help others.

Thank you for your kind concern.
love ... jaime

jaime said...

hi chinggu,

thank you for always being there for me. i was so surprised to hear your cheerful voice at the other end of the line. I forget my sadness whenever I think about you.

Please take care!
love ... jaime

jaime said...

Dear Anna,

Thank you so much for your warm comforting words. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear parents. I can understand the pain you went through.

I apologize for not visiting other BYJ sites and blogs often enough after I returned to Canada. Just read about the loss of your dear friend in your blog, my sincere condolences. I hope you will take care of yourself. May health and happiness always with you and your family.

love ... Jaime

jaime said...

My dear vegas,

Thank you so much for writing to me. You are always in my thought, I hope everything is wonderful with you and your dear family.

May God Bless YJ and all our dear Bae sisters!

love ... jaime

LENY said...

Dear Jaime,

My heartfelt condolence to you and to your family.

Though you're father's physically gone, I'm sure that he still guiding you. So be strong.

love , Leny

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms Jaime,
I'm one of your old blogders and i would just like to extend my deepest condolences to you and your family. Be strong and always remember his in good Hands. GOD Bless!

Anonymous said...

Dearest Jaime,
I was shocked to hear that your beloved father had passed away.
I also know sorrow to lose a beloved person.
Please accept my sincerest condolences to you and your family.

I love you, Jaime. and tamacyan and I miss you.
Ituka isshoni kankoku ikimasyone.

happacyann from Japan

yudi said...

Dear Jaime,

Again my deepest condolences to you and your family. Thank you for sharing with us your hardest moment of grief in life as well. Please take care and we are all here with you.

Love…yudi

Hyds said...

Dear Jaime,
I'm sorry to hear about your father. Please accept our condolences and love. I pray that you remain strong and finds comfort from family and friends in this very sad time. Thinking of you.
Love,
Hyds

Anonymous said...

Dear Jamie,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of grief. No words can ease the pain, but I know that your dad will always be by your side.

Much love,
nanet (@ LKHJ.com)

Wing said...

Dearest Jaime,

My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Your post really touched me. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

-wing

regie said...

my dearest jaime,

my deepest condolescene to you and your family.Saying good bye to the love one is always difficult but we all know that he's there with our Mighty Father.
I pray for you and your family especially your mom. May God's comfort soothes all of your sorrow.

Peace be with you and GBU,
regie

karen said...

Dear Jaime,

My deepest condolences to you & your family. Stay strong, Jaime for your love ones around you.


God Bless You Always,

Love,
Karen

nimaruichi said...

Dear Jamie,

My deepest condolences on your terrible loss.
I am sure you will remember and cherish all the good times spent with your father and find courage and strength in those memories.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this sad and difficult time.
Wishing you peace and healing,

nimaruichi

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry there are no words I could use to ease your pain, time will lessen the burden, it will not take it away but it will doll the pain.

I belive in the end we wil all meet again, and I hope that you can hold him in your arms once more.

Moontime

Marce said...

Hi Jaime,
Was so sad to read about that your Dad passed away, I just remember when i lost my mom, I have no words, maybe because i know that words dont help when you lost a special person like your parents, I just can say that I am sure that your father was proud of you, and he would love to see you happy and proud to be his daughter. We can have the hope to see them again, he is with God, like my mother. In my prayers i ask God tell to my mom that I miss her so much, and I will try live the best way so she can be proud for her work and for me.
God Bless you dear sis and God bless your family, he is the only one, who can give you the peace and strength on this time.
marce

jaime said...

Dearest Leny, Annoymous, Happacyan, Yudi, Hyds, Nanet, Wing, Regie, Karen, Nimaruichi, Moontime, Marce,

My heartfelt thanks for your kind thoughts, Your comforting words mean the world to me. Knowing BYJ and you dear sisters is one of the biggest gifts in my life. My sincere wish that all the happiness and health are with you and your loved ones.

Please take care!
love & hugs ..... jaime

Delinnia said...

Dear Jamie,

Although I have been a member of BYJ family for 8 years you and I didn't come across each other in BYJ's places. Just want to let you know that you and I have something in common to share. My beloved mom passed away peacefully in Penang on the 15th October. I have read that your beloved dad passed away on the same day as my mom did. My deepest condolences to you and family.
Delinnia, Malaysia

jaime said...

Dear Delinnia,

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved mom's passing. It must be a very saddening time for you and your family, as is with mine. I understand that the pain and the longing will not go away, but hopefully it is eased off a bit by the comforting words and support from the loving friends and relatives around you. My condolences and may your mom rest in peace.

Thank you for your kind thoughts and I hope we can 'talk' BYJ again under more cheerful circumstances in the future. Please take care!

love .... jaime

Anonymous said...

Jaime,

Please accept my deepest condolences. I wish you and your family much strength and love during this difficult time. Take good care of yourself.


- dlee